KiMin - Lingering Past Memories

Kibum's mother had always told him to clean his room. His books and other things were always scattered everywhere. His table only has a small clear space left. A lot of high tech stuff, games and books were scattered on the floor and on his table. His bed was the only thing that seem to be clean though there are times he would forget to make his bed in the morning. Whenever his mother told him to clean, he would only do a bit of cleaning. Today, however, he decided to do some real cleaning.

Something fell from one of the books that Kibum picked up from the floor to put it on the bookshelf, which was always empty as most of his books are scattered all over his room. It was a picture of Kibum and Sungmin during their elementary years. Kibum looked at the book. It was a book full of friendship poems.

Sungmin was the 1st friend Kibum had made in his 1st year in elementary. Kibum had always been a silent and lonely kid. He always prefer to sit and read books than go outside and play with the other kids. Sungmin was sickly so he wasn't allowed to play or if he does, it would only be for a limited time. It was always Sungmin and Kibum inside the classroom. They became friends when Sungmin sat beside Kibum to read whatever Kibum was reading.

There are times when Kibum would be reading English books. Sungmin would always ask him to translate and tell him what the story was about. This is one of Sungmin's favorite times because he gets to hear Kibum speak and a bonus feature would be speaking in English. Sungmin also liked it when Kibum was studying because even if Sungmin hated studying, he really doesn't mind studying with Kibum because he tends to understand more with Kibum explaining it to him instead of a tutor or whoever old person is out there.

When they became closer, they started playing. They don't play with other kids which would usually involve with running or balls and a possibility of physical harm. Sungmin and Kibum just play board games, cards, building blocks. Those type of simple but fun indoor games.

When they became closer, they started visiting and hanging out at each other's houses. Both of their parents were happy that they had found each other because both of them really used to be loners.

The book of friendship poems was a gift from Sungmin then a few days after he had given the book, Sungmin left to the states for his operation. Kibum never did knew what Sungmin's sickness was but he was devastated when he learned that Sungmin left without even saying goodbye. Kibum's parents told him that Sungmin hate goodbyes because Sungmin thought that if he said goodbye, he might never come back for good. He may be a kid but Sungmin knew that he would be facing death if his operation won't be successful.

It took a full year for Sungmin to come back. By that time, Kibum was in his 1st year of high school while Sungmin lagged behind and had to go one more year that would be his last year in elementary. When Sungmin came back, Kibum didn't know what to say.

"Hello! My name is Sungmin and you are?"

Kibum thought that he might be joking but then he caught the look of sadness on the faces of Sungmin's parents. Later they explained to him that Sungmin lost some of his memories through the operation. In fact, Sungmin didn't even know that they were his parents when he woke up. However, they cheerfully said that Kibum can just try to be friends with Sungmin again.

It just wasn't the same. First, they go to different schools. Second, Sungmin isn't restricted from doing heavy physical activities and he entered in soccer and martial arts and turned out to be really talented. Third, Sungmin found himself a group of friends and even became popular. Although Kibum was on friendly terms with Sungmin, they were just not close the way they used to be.

Right now, Kibum was looking at their elementary picture. Honestly, he felt angry at Sungmin for not being able to remember him but he can't get angry at Sungmin, who doesn't have any memories or any clue on why Kibum would be angry anyway. "You might as well have just said goodbye because even though you've returned, you're not the Sungmin I remembered." Kibum inserted the picture in the book and left it on the table. He doesn't feel like cleaning anymore.

There was a soft knock on his door. Kibum knew that it wouldn't be either of his parents because he knew how his parents would knock. When Kibum opened the door, he saw Sungmin standing there.

"Can I ask for help with my homework? My mom said that you're really smart." Sungmin said as he held up his English textbook.

"Why? Where's Kyuhyun?" Kibum asked coldly though he didn't mean to sound like one. Kyuhyun was one of Sungmin's close friends and the guy was really smart. He had been helping Sungmin in his studies. Something that Kibum used to do. In a way, Kibum actually felt jealous and a bit angry in all of Sungmin's close friends.

"He can't. He has a date today. It's not like I can go to Eunhyuk for help. His English sucks." Sungmin's tone sounded hesitant as he added. "You don't have to if you don't want to. You're a high school student so you're probably busy and all."

Kibum's blood boiled a bit at the mention of another one of Sungmin's close friends. "Yes, I am busy so if you'll just excuse me. I'm going back to studying." Kibum closed his door before he might change his mind. He just doesn't want to have anything to do with Sungmin anymore.

That was the first time Kibum had acted coldly. Sungmin wondered why but then, he concluded that perhaps Kibum was having a bad day. But then, this kind of treatment continued on. When Sungmin became a high school student and transferred at Kibum's school, Kibum's cold attitude became more apparent towards Sungmin.

"Kibum, it's Sungmin's first day in high school at your school so I hope you'll accompany him during your break and free time."

"Sure, Mrs. Lee."

Sungmin had seen how Kibum was polite and sweet to Sungmin's parents but when they reached school, Kibum simply went on his own way without even showing or guiding Sungmin with the direction of his classrooms. Sungmin didn't get to see him until it was time to go home because they were suppose to go home together and Kibum probably won't want Sungmin's parents to wonder why Sungmin went home alone.

"I'll tell my parents that you're actually a mean person and not the kind of person that they thought of!!!" Sungmin said childishly and pouted. "You could have at least given me directions to my classroom this morning!"

"I don't care if you rattle on me to them and I figured that you could make friends with the person, who you would be asking directions."

"Well… you are right…" Sungmin said as he reminisced the chubby person named Shindong, whom he asked directions and turned out to be his classmate. "Hmm… maybe you have good intentions for me underneath that cold exterior."

Kibum simply stared at him. "You're an idiot."

"Yah! Why are you so mean?!?! You weren't like that when we first met!!!" Sungmin almost bumped on Kibum's back because Kibum suddenly stopped walking.

"When did we first meet?" Kibum asked in a soft tone.

Sungmin was surprised at the kind of tone Kibum used. He simply hadn't heard it before but at the same time, it felt familiar. "Around a year ago." Then he saw a glimpse of Kibum's broken expression before Kibum started walking again in a fast pace. Sungmin wondered what that was all about.

When Sungmin's birthday came around, Kibum was invited. He could see that Sungmin was only forced to invite him because their parents were such good friends and that Kibum was also on good terms with Sungmin's parents. Although Kibum had been cold to Sungmin, Sungmin never really told Kibum off to his parents.

Kibum could see that Sungmin was clearly not happy to see him but nevertheless, Kibum had approached Sungmin and greeted him. "Happy Birthday." Then he handed his gift to Sungmin, who accepted it and replied "Thank you.". Kibum didn't stay too long. He claimed that he was not feeling well and his parents fell for the act. Sungmin felt relieved when Kibum was gone and now, he could truly enjoy his party with his close friends.

By the end of the party, Sungmin was tired but he was really curious with his gifts and started opening them one by one. The last gift was from Kibum and he was very much curious about it. After opening, it turned out to be a book of friendship poems. Does that mean Kibum wants to be friends with him?

His eyes trailed on the cover that said To: Kibum From: Sungmin. He wondered if Kibum wrote it wrongly. Then he opened the book. There was something written on the 1st page.

Happy Birthday Kibum!!!
I just want you to know that our friendship means a lot to me.
These poems expressed my feelings of our friendship.
Let's always be friends forever!!!
Best Friends Forever!!!
~Sungmin

Happy Birthday Sungmin!!!
Would giving this to you would make you remember me?
~Kibum

Sungmin felt like there should be something that he should remember and yet, his brain refused to remember but his heart was beating loud and fast. His heart must be remembering. Then something fell from the book. Sungmin picked it up and saw that it was a picture of him and Kibum. They were young, probably around 2nd or 3rd year elementary students. It was something Sungmin didn't remember and he felt frustrated and angry with himself for not being able to remember. Is this why Kibum had been cold to him? Because he was frustrated and angry too?

Sungmin's hand instantly reached out his cellphone and called Kibum.

"Why the heck are you calling me at the crack of dawn?!?!" A sleepy yet angry voice answered.

"Kibum…" Sungmin was sobbing.

"Sungmin…?" Kibum was concerned when he heard Sungmin's voice cracking. The other was obviously crying. "What is it?" He asked more softly this time.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were my best friend when we met up again? I would have believed you just like how I believed my parents when they told me that they are my parents."

"It was awkward and you just weren't the same. At first, I tried to be close to you but then you became busy with your new life, new friends and just… everything was different."

"So you don't like me the way I am now? Can't we be friends anymore?"

"Stop crying, Sungmin. I'm not worth it. Go to sleep and we'll talk tomorrow okay?"

"I don't even know why I'm crying but I think my heart remembers you." Sungmin replied with a sniff before hanging up.

The next day was awkward when they both sat on Kibum's bed doing nothing. After a while, Kibum took out an album that contained pictures of him and Sungmin. As Sungmin went over each picture, Kibum would tell him what happened during that day. Sungmin would look at Kibum and see the soft expression on Kibum's eyes and the blissful expression on Kibum's face as he talked fondly of their past memories.

"Did I have a crush on you?" Sungmin asked.

Kibum looked at him with a are-you-out-of-your-mind expression. "Well, if you did, you didn't tell me and I didn't know."

"Well, if the past me didn't then the present me certainly has." Sungmin confessed. "I wanted us to be close but because you're my crush, I became awkward so I looked for new friends. They all know about my feelings towards you."

Kibum didn't know what to feel. Sure, he had thought of Sungmin that way before with the possibility with being more than just friends but that was in the past and right now, he only wanted his friendship back with the old Sungmin. "It's just a crush. It'll fade away."

Sungmin felt hurt when Kibum went back to using his cold tone. "Why can't you like me the way you liked me in the past? And don't give me that 'it's just not the same' or 'it's different' bullshit!!! We could have been close friends but I was holding back because of my shyness but you were holding back because you can't accept the new me!!! I may have lost some memories but I'm still me… why can't you see that?"

The solution that Kibum thought of. "Let's forget everything and go back to square one." The next day, they acted as if they just met for the first time though they didn't exactly forget about anything but it was a good start.

The present Sungmin was very different from the past Sungmin but Kibum still found himself liking Sungmin anyway. They have more differences now than similarities but they seem to compliment each other well. Sungmin's close friends were wondering if he and Kibum were dating because they've been spending more time with each other lately.

Sungmin was still Kibum's only friend. Kibum hadn't changed since then. He was still the silent and lonely guy. Sungmin introduced Kibum to his close friends Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk, Shindong and Donghae. Kibum would sometimes hang out with them but he doesn't open up that much as he would do when he's alone with Sungmin.

Today was one of the times when Kibum refused to hang out with them claiming he had some studying to do. As he was reading his book, someone slipped in the seat beside him and looked at the book he was reading. It didn't take long for Kibum to figure out that the person beside him was also reading.

"Do you understand what you're reading? It's an English book." Kibum said as he looked at the person beside him for the first time. The guy was cute.

The guy blushed as Kibum caught him reading. "Um… yeah." Later on, Kibum learned that his name was Henry. It became a daily thing. The two of them reading a book together. It almost felt like that past times he had with Sungmin. It doesn't help that Henry had a lot of similarities with the past Sungmin like how he was cute, silent and also sickly.

Kibum found himself opening up to Henry much faster than he did with the present Sungmin and something that he didn't with Sungmin's close friends. One day, Sungmin found them with their arms laced around each other, Henry's head on Kibum's shoulder as they read a book together. They looked so comfortable. It almost looked lovey-dovey. For the first time, Sungmin felt jealous. He wondered if this is how Kibum felt when Sungmin found himself new close friends.

"You didn't tell me that you got yourself a new friend." Sungmin said as he and Kibum walked home together.

For a moment, Kibum was confused but something finally clicked in his brain. "Ah, you mean Henry." He hadn't really thought of Henry as a friend but he might as well be one since they're on friendly terms anyway and that Henry wasn't a complete stranger.

"Is that his name? He's pretty cute and you looked quite lovey-dovey earlier." Sungmin replied which sounded quite bitter.

Kibum realized something else. "Are you… jealous?"

"No." Sungmin scowled before pouting cutely.

"Henry just reminded me so much of your past self so I easily took a liking towards him." Kibum admitted. "Don't worry, to me you're still cuter." He pinched Sungmin's cheek lightly.

Sungmin blushed before pouting again. It was the first time that Kibum had actually touched him. Well, the first time since he had lost his memories anyway. He didn't like the fact Henry was getting closer to Kibum. "What if you'll like Henry more than me?"

"I don't swing that way." Kibum cursed himself for saying those words because it was just like rejecting Sungmin anyway. Sungmin probably took it as a rejection since he could see the hurt expression on Sungmin's face. He simply watched as Sungmin waved a cab saying something that he needed to go home quickly to do a difficult project and left Kibum standing at the side of the street.

The next day, Henry had confessed to him. Kibum thought what the heck has the world gone into?!?! Yesterday, he had sort of rejected Sungmin and today, he would be rejecting Henry. "I'm sorry. It wouldn't be fair to you that I like you because you remind me of him… of his past self."

After saying these words, Kibum realized that he had probably loved Sungmin in the past so why shouldn't he love Sungmin in the present? Just because Sungmin lost his memories and became different, he was still Sungmin. Kibum should just move on from the past Sungmin and accept the present Sungmin. When you love the person, you're suppose to accept everything about him right?

"What brings you here?" Sungmin asked. He was shocked to see Kibum standing right outside his bedroom door.

"You've been avoiding me." Kibum said. It had been a week since Kibum and Sungmin interacted, which didn't seem to end on good terms.

"I was gone for a year so you must have gotten used without having me around. When I came back, you don't seem to like having me around. Aren't I just doing you a favor?" Sungmin replied bitterly.

"Why do you think I'm here, Sungmin?!?!" Kibum took Sungmin's hand in his own. "It's because I want to be with you. I like having you around and I'll never get used to without having you around."

"You only like having me around because you're probably hoping that I'll go back to my old self but what if I never regain my memories? Even if I do regain my memories, I won't go back to being my old self. I'm not sickly anymore. I'm not introverted and I like making new friends. I like staying outdoors and playing sports and just because I would regain my old memories, doesn't mean I'll change back to my old self."

"I'll accept that." Kibum said with a look of determination. "Like you've said before, you may have changed but you're still Sungmin. "I'll love you no matter what whether in the past or your present self and what you might change into in the future. You mean that much to me."

Sungmin was surprised at Kibum's confession. He gasped in surprised when Kibum kissed him. A past memory made itself known. A memory of Kibum giving him a diamond ring that is too big for a child's finger so Sungmin used it as a pendant instead. He said he'll wear it on his finger when they grow up and when the ring would be able to fit on his finger. Kibum had said by the time Sungmin would wear that ring…

"Kibum… I remembered something…" Sungmin said when they broke apart from the kiss. "You said by the time I would be able to wear the diamond ring, you would tell me a secret you've been keeping." Then Sungmin frowned. "But I don't remember where I placed that diamond ring or what happened to it. Does that mean I'll never know about your past secret?"

"The diamond ring doesn't matter. What matters is that you're here. You already know my secret. I just confessed, didn't I?"

"So you liked me before? I thought you only like me as a friend and you said you don't swing that way." Then Sungmin looked at Kibum in a suspicious manner. "You're not just pretending and trying to act nice to me, are you?"

"I only said that so you'll be reassured that I won't like Henry that way and in a way, it's true that I don't swing that way but I've always liked you so you're an exception." Kibum wrapped his arms around Sungmin's waist and pulled him closer. "And I'm happy that you still like me even without your past memories."

"Even if I'll lose my memories again and again, I think I'll always fall for you. Even if I can't remember, my heart remembers these feelings I feel for you."

When Kibum became a college student, he moved in an apartment. When Sungmin became a college student, Kibum invited Sungmin to live with him. While Sungmin was packing his things, he had found the diamond ring. When he put it on his finger, it fits perfectly. It was like the ring was meant to be for his finger just like how Kibum and Sungmin were meant for each other.

Sungmin would remember some past memories every now and then. It made him happy to remember the times that even Kibum doesn't remember anymore.  Although it's nice to know about the past, that's all there is to it.  What matters most is that Kibum loves him the way he is now and they're making new memories together.

THE END

A/N: This is another fail attempt at angst XD!!! I always manage to write happy endings. Hahahaha!!!! Oh well~ ^_^ Comments please?